My new neighbour is a buffoon – a walking talking, idiot of a buffoon. The driver of his Rolls Royce keeps the temperature of the car at a level so as not to muss his bosses hair, let alone find drips of sweat down his powdered brow – hence, the humming of the vehicle as it idles day and night has forced us to double-insulate our windows and invest in sound-blocking window coverings. The buffoon is also so arrogant that his haters line the driveway, protesting when they can and throwing eggs that narrowly miss our hedge – something the thick draperies cannot address – but, again, we just adapt by entering through the side door (every now and then some shells make it onto our property – we clean it up – we say nothing).

Prime real estate, a perfect property, safe place to bring our kids up and a great mayor. I used to say to my husband (after tucking the kids in bed) “We have the best life – I love it here” … we borrowed ketchup from our neighbours, trick or treated without worrying about tainted apples and gave a cheer and friendly acknowledgement during the festive seasons….not all of us had the same lights, but the out-pour of ‘neighborliness” was always abundant.

Then he moved in.

When we heard he was considering ‘the house’, we never thought he could afford it. We never thought he had the means or was serious…we actually looked at the application form and didn’t think the bank would (or could) approve a mortgage…but apparently he did a song and dance and manipulated the bank to sing “Kumbaya” – he threw idol threats to the security of their jobs and Tweeted personal outrage every time they reached for the “”REJECT” stamp…he turned it around and the naïve (and hopeful) approved him!

Last I checked – the checks and balances that go hand in hand with due diligence encompass full disclosures. So, why, when it is so inherently obvious that he is involved with corruption, did not even submit a financial statement…skirted, threatened and danced around every question asked – making a mockery of transparency and “the system” by bringing into question authority…did someone even listen to him? Bad, bad buffoon. Not so good listeners????

Nonetheless, the bank approved him, he’s moving in…I couldn’t care less if it wasn’t that my children sometimes used their pool and if we weren’t sitting in the line of fire (should another wayward egg come our way)….he’s ever present ‘there’.

I have no choices.

Apparently this is not a nightmare… he’s in…the moving trucks are at the door and he will officially take residency on Friday.

And I, with my other neighbors, will be boggled how we let that happen – hope that there is some way to evict him and then do just as he did, NOT take ownership of any of it.

Perhaps I can stoop to his level – rather than address my concerns and find a non-contentious agreement to somehow live peacefully as neighbors, I will build a wall.